Addison Bennett

June 2024

What is holding you back from really taking off in your faith? That question hit hard for parishioner Addison Bennett at a recent men’s retreat. It brought to mind his ongoing struggle to love himself, despite knowing that this kept him from fully loving others and honoring God as his creator. Addison shared his dilemma with the men at the retreat and continued to reflect afterward. “I prayed into it a lot. I just asked the Lord, ‘Can you pinpoint why I don’t love myself?’”

Addison’s struggle with self-love took root early. His first exposure to pornography came in fourth grade, spiraling over time into an addiction that, by the time he got to college, led to alcohol and drug abuse to take the pain away. “That was a very dark and lonely place,” he says. “It was a cycle. I viewed myself as dirty, but I just couldn’t break it.” With the help of his family and an insightful spiritual advisor, Addison spent years working to overcome the darkness that had taken over his life.

Driving home from the men’s retreat, Addison prayed about self-love and God helped him recognize what was blocking him: pain and regret over his early loss of innocence. “I felt that I was stripped of my childlike simplicity,” he explains. Strengthened by this realization, he continued to pray. “Lord, help me to see myself the way You view me.”

Days later at St. Luke’s in Ankeny, Addison was helping lead a retreat with Holy Desire Ministries, an apostolate devoted to exposing the evil of pornography to young Catholics and helping them form a healing relationship with Christ. The retreat ended with Adoration, and Addison went to the front to kneel before the Eucharist. 

God’s presence was strong. “He allowed me to block everything else out,” Addison says. “All of a sudden I just felt like I was super high. I felt like I was floating and just felt very at peace.” Then God showed Addison what he’d asked to see—an image of himself as a little boy in a sparkling white robe, spinning in circles with arms wide open, surrounded by walls of bright gold with no boundaries in sight. Despite all he’d been through, God viewed Addison as an innocent, beloved child.

The vision brought healing and a renewed sense of mission. “Since then,” Addison says, “I’ve been able to fully love myself, and now I feel like I can actually walk with others.”

As he moves forward in his faith journey, Addison shares an important perspective born of his own experience. “One thing that I cling to in my faith is the power of the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and that we are never too far gone, no matter what you’ve done or what you think you are. He just loves you as a true son or daughter, and He loves you immensely.”